Doctor Stephen Strange has made known the startling revelation that across 14 million universes, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert bombs in every single one.
The shocking announcement came after several fans of Stephen Colbert came to Doctor Strange for help when they heard the news that The Late Show was being canceled. These fans felt that since Doctor Strange was able to help humanity defeat Thanos in the Infinity War by looking into 14,000,605 possible futures in order to find the one good outcome where Earth’s mightiest heroes would win, he might be able to do something similar to keep Colbert on the air.
“I cast my consciousness into a fathomless ocean of alternate universes, each one different from the last,” began Strange. “I’m sorry, but Stephen Colbert is not funny in each and every one of the 14 million universes I looked into. As unlikely as even I find that to be, in every universe I peered into, that show bombs and inevitably gets canceled.”
Experts stated that if Doctor Strange still had access to the Time Stone and could look into 14 million possible futures like he did in the Infinity War, it might be possible to construct a chain of cause-and-effect in which Colbert stays on the air but remains to be unfunny. In the absence of such an option, the best that the Sorcerer Supreme, Master of the Mystic Arts, and Architect of the Multiverse could do was cast a multiversal scrying spell and look across millions of alternate universes instead. These universes gave no signs of hope for Colbert Nation.
“I’m sorry, but without the Time Stone, all I can do is see Colbert bombing across the multiverse. Again and again. Endlessly.”
At publishing time, Doctor Strange had retired to his Sanctum Sanctorum to pick up his mantle of Reality’s Last Line of Defense as he shields the inhabitants of Earth from interdimensional horrors, cosmic imbalances, and a potential reality in which only GUTFELD! remained on the air.
News
“A Billionaire Installed Hidden Cameras to FIRE his maid —But What She Did with His Twin Sons Made Him Go Cold…
The silence in the Reed mansion was not peaceful; it was heavy. It was a silence that pressed against the…
“Stay still, don’t say anything! You’re in danger…” The homeless girl cornered the boss, hugged him, and kissed him to save his life… and his life.
The wind in Chicago didn’t just blow; it hunted. It tore through the canyons of steel and glass on LaSalle…
The Billionaire Hid in a Closet to Watch How His Girlfriend Treated His Ill Mother — What He Witnessed Made Him Collapse in Tears
The estate of Leonardo Hale sat atop the highest hill in Greenwich, Connecticut, a sprawling expanse of limestone and glass…
At my daughter’s funeral, my son-in-law stepped close and whispered, “You have twenty-four hours to leave my house.”
The rain in Seattle was relentless that Tuesday. It wasn’t a cleansing rain; it was a cold, gray curtain that…
My Daughter Abandoned Her Autistic Son. 11 Years Later, He Became a Millionaire, and She Returned to Claim the Cash. But My Nephew’s 3-Word Advice Saved Us.
The rain in Seattle doesn’t wash things away; it just makes them heavier. That’s how I remember the day my…
“She Deserves It More Than You!” My Mom Gave My Inheritance to My Aunt While I Slept in a Shelter. Then My Billionaire Grandpa Arrived with the Police.
The wind off Lake Michigan in January is not just cold; it is a physical assault. It finds the gaps…
End of content
No more pages to load
